Disappointment.

Dealing with disappointment is one of my hardest struggles. I find it so easy to praise God and thank Him for everything in my life when things are going great. However, who wouldn't? I feel like there are so many times when I delight in the Lord with all my "heart, soul, and mind" (supposedly), but only when things are going just as I planned. What's wrong with that sentence? The "I planned" part. God has a perfect plan.. one that I cannot see. God takes all of my failures and turns them into something wonderful just for me! However, when I'm in the moment, I find it so hard to see the big picture. I've been continually praying that God gives me the strength to praise Him in the tough times when I'm disappointed. A bad grade on a test, a broken car, a lost wallet. Things that may seem like the end of the world at the moment, but really, these things don't matter. I need to stop, and just give it ALL to the Lord!

Psalm 131 How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?How long will You
hide Your face from me?2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul,Having
sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? 3
Consider and hear me, O LORD my God;Enlighten my eyes, Lest I sleep the
sleep of death;4 Lest my enemy say,“I have prevailed against him”;
Lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved. 5 But I have trusted
in Your mercy;My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.6 I will sing to
the LORD,Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

David writes this Psalm in desperation for God to come into his life. He does not feel the presense of God through the hard times he is going through. Yet, even in the tough times and struggles, he rejoices in God and praises His name for all that He is. I'm working on praising God at ALL times in my life, because He deserves nothing less! Praise the Lord!

A New Place.

Two months ago, I began an experience that most young adults in America embark on: COLLEGE. As Carrie Underwood says in her song, "Don't Forget to Remember Me", "eighteen years had come and gone; for Momma they flew by, but for me they drug on and on." This became my theme song. How had I wished all of those years away? It reminded me of an experience I had at the age of fourteen. My family had decided to load us up and bring us all to Kingsdominion (our local theme park), and I was determined to ride the Drop Zone. I stood in line with a brave face, hesitantly watching the ride slowly bring it's victims up 305 feet, and drop them, stopping just in time not to hit the ground. A rush of wind would fly through my hair everytime they dropped. The whole experience seemed exhilerating, and the minutes I had to wait in the sweltering heat seemed like an eternity! Once it was my time to walk towards my seat, my feet seemed to somehow be glued to the ground. This was no longer cool or exciting, this was scary as anything to me. I pleaded with Janie and Lauren (my sisters) not to force me on, but before I knew it, I had a bar of steel strapping me in, feet dangling in the air. Each inch higher the ride took me, the more my stomach dropped and my white knuckles clenched the hot metal handles in fear. No matter how much I wanted to be on the ground, I had no choice but to be shifted up to the scariest experience I thought I would ever know. The drop was over within seconds, and afterwards--although I could hardly walk--I felt accomplished. (Though I vowed I would never do that again, and I have kept my promise). Growing up reminded me of this experience. Life has always been full of looking forward to something for me. In Kindergarten, I wanted to be a fifth grader. Later on, I looked forward to middle school, then high school, my first cell phone, my drivers license, my first car, my first kiss, my first boyfriend, graduation, summer vacations, and finally: College. I felt like my fourteen year old self again on the Drop Zone, wishing that I could go back, yet having no choice but to look forward and continue on. I realized... this time, I'm not going to wish this away. I am going to enjoy every moment. This summer, I found myself realizing that I have spent my whole life looking forward to goals and events in the future. I wished away my childhood because I wanted to be treated as a grown up. I wished away so many things in hopes of something better. What I've found is that God gives us opportunities to enjoy EVERY moment if we can just look for them!

Matthew 6:25-34 says this: “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ... "

Jesus tells us not to live for tomorrow. Do not live for what is yet to come. Do not be anxious, do not worry about you will eat or drink or what you will wear. God takes care of the birds who live from day to day. He takes care of the lilies in the field. So why, as God's children, do we feel the need to worry so much about what our lives will bring?

Back to what I was saying, I wished away the first 18 years of my life so I could go to college and be an adult, and all I found myself wanting to do was go back to the "good old days". However, God is showing me that He has put me here for a REASON. Everything He has done for me is for my own good. I need to live FOR HIM, for TODAY, and not worry or be anxious about my future. I need to not wish this time away, although it feels like I'm still on a roller coaster, and I have no where else to look but ahead. Although that is scary, it is also EXCITING! I know that God has SO many plans for me, but I need to leave the planning to Him, and at this moment, be THANKFUL for where I am RIGHT NOW. Praise God!